


Crash and Burn

by ereshai



Series: Various Prompt Fills [29]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Getting Together, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 13:37:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4608783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ereshai/pseuds/ereshai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Coulson doesn’t date types. He dates people.” Natasha finished filling out her paperwork and signed it, crossing her t with a flourish.</p><p>“He dates types of people,” Clint countered weakly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crash and Burn

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my '100 followers on tumblr' celebration. (The third and final prompt - it only took almost a year to get to this.) The prompt is in the end notes.

“Oh my god, Keller’s nose is so far up Coulson’s ass, he can taste what Coulson had for breakfast,” Clint muttered to Natasha. “Doesn’t he know that Coulson doesn’t play favorites? Especially not for grocery store donuts.” He ignored the crinkle of plastic from the small package of powdered donuts in the side pocket of his cargo pants. They weren’t the same thing at all, and Clint was not sucking up in any way by eventually leaving them somewhere Coulson would find them later.

Natasha ignored him, as she usually did whenever he complained about the people who demanded their handler’s attention. They were filling out paperwork - Coulson had cornered them in the cafeteria and demanded their after-action reports before they ‘forgot’ again. He was standing a few yards away, his back to the wall, totally monitoring them even though he had denied it when Clint had called him on it. Keller was next to him, holding a box of donuts. Clint felt slightly vindicated that Coulson hadn’t taken one.

“Why doesn’t he go bother his own supervisor?” Clint continued. Keller wasn’t a field agent – he drove a desk in Statistics. Why the hell was he even talking to Coulson?

“There are other reasons for people to talk to him,” Natasha said when he asked her that very question. “Keller has no reason to kiss Coulson’s ass.”

“But-“ Clint began, then subsided at her glare. She had given him advice on his Coulson problem once, and refused to discuss the matter with him until he followed it or finally gave up. That didn’t stop him from complaining. When she got too irritated, she made him run through her obstacle course training exercises until he was too out of breath to speak. He’d already been through the course three times this week, and it was only Tuesday.

Keller shifted his weight, moving well into Coulson’s personal bubble. Coulson didn’t react, just smiled at Keller like he wasn’t trying to loom over him. It was a pretty pathetic attempt at looming; the two men were the same height.

“What the fuck? He’s leaning, Tasha,” Clint hissed in realization. “He’s fucking leaning. He’s hitting on Coulson.”

“That would be another reason for someone to talk to him,” Natasha said with disinterest. “Why are you so surprised?”

Clint wasn’t surprised - of course people wanted to hit on Coulson - but this had caught him off guard. “But- I mean, Coulson wouldn’t- He’s not Coulson’s type,” Clint finally spluttered. He’d seen the kind of people Coulson dated, and they were nothing like Keller. _They’re nothing like you, either_ , a nasty little voice whispered in the back of his mind, but he ignored it. He already knew _that_.

“Coulson doesn’t date types. He dates people.” Natasha finished filling out her paperwork and signed it, crossing her _t_ with a flourish.

“He dates types of people,” Clint countered weakly.

Natasha stood up, her report in hand. “You know what I think you should do. I’ll see you later.” She dropped a kiss in his hair, a display of affection she usually reserved for more private moments, and whispered in his ear, “Stop doing this to yourself. For my sake, as well as yours.”

Clint nodded. “Bye,” he said miserably, watching Coulson and Keller out of the corner of his eye. Coulson was smiling at Keller – not his ‘I’m humoring you’ smile, or even his ‘I’m two seconds away from throat punching you’ smile. If Clint had to guess, this was an ‘I’m interested, tell me more’ smile. _Fuck._

Fortunately for Clint, Natasha reached the pair at that moment and handed her paperwork to Coulson. Keller stepped back – win – but moved even closer after Natasha left – shit. Keller was a jerk; he hadn’t even offered Natasha a donut. Clint was outraged on her behalf, despite the fact that Natasha didn’t like grocery store donuts either and wouldn’t have accepted anyway.

Clint finished his paperwork quickly, no longer motivated to embellish his report - there was a fine line between what would make Coulson laugh and what would make him track Clint down for a rewrite, and usually Clint loved to see how far he could push that line. Kind of pointless now, if Coulson was going to pay more attention to Agent Desk Jockey than to Clint’s finely crafted AAR. He signed it with a scrawl and went to give it to Coulson. He had to get the hell out of there before the sight Keller’s flirting made him puke.

“…a little Italian place you might like,” Keller was saying. “I could get us a table tonight.”

“On such short notice?” Coulson asked mildly. Clint couldn’t tell if he was interested or just being polite.

“I know the owner.”

Keller was a smug little shit and Clint hated him. _I know the owner_ , he silently mocked the man in the privacy of his own head. Keller had a squeaky voice - he’d never noticed that before. Like a chipmunk or something. Coulson couldn’t be seriously considering this guy, could he?

Clint held out his report and Coulson took it with a smile.

“So, tonight?” Keller asked, completely ignoring Clint’s presence.

“He can’t,” Clint said, surprising all three of them.

“Excuse me?” Keller wasn’t ignoring him anymore.

“He can’t go anywhere with you, because he’s going out with me tonight,” Clint said stubbornly. If Coulson really wanted to date this guy, he’d shut Clint down in three seconds. He’d even try to do it kindly.

Coulson didn’t say anything.

“But you just got back from a mission,” Keller began.

“There’s no mission,” Coulson said finally. “Thank you for the invitation, Bob, but I’m otherwise occupied tonight.”

Keller snorted and stomped off, throwing the box of donuts on the nearest table, where the junior agents descended on them like locusts.

Clint turned back to Coulson to find him watching him expectantly.

“What?” Clint rubbed the side of his nose.

“We seem to have plans tonight. What time?”

“Um, seven?” Shit, what was he going to do?

“Are you picking me up, or should we meet somewhere?” Coulson was totally calm; it only fed Clint’s complete and utter panic.

“You like Italian, right?” he blurted. Stupid; it wasn’t like he knew any restaurant owners.

“I do.”

“So, um, how does pizza and beer and crappy tv at my place sound?” It sounded pretty fucking pathetic and Clint had just blown his one chance with Coulson, he knew it.

“It sounds exactly like what I’d planned to do tonight, only with much better company. Perfect.” Coulson tucked the reports under one arm and started to leave.

“Perfect,” Clint croaked as he stared at Coulson. How had he not just crashed and burned?

Coulson stopped and turned back to Clint. “I’d like to plan our second date, if that’s all right with you?”

Clint nodded, dazed. “Seems fair.”

Coulson smiled again. “See you tonight.”

Clint waved after him, still in shock but quickly regaining his equilibrium. He had a date. With Coulson. More than one. Natasha would appreciate the pining coming to an end. He wondered how long it would take to irritate her with how awesome Coulson was.

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt: I have such a weakness for jealous Clint getting bent out of shape when someone else starts showing Phil some attention. Would love Phil getting hit on and that being the impetus for Clint to finally make a move.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Perform a Systems Check (so you don't Crash and Burn)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11079249) by [desert_neon (sproutgirl)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sproutgirl/pseuds/desert_neon)




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